Amist speculation MGM have tonight announced that the new James Bond actor is to be Ed Balls. After the departure of Daniel Craig from the franchise the film-makers allowed actors to put themselves forward for the role as long as they could secure 33 signatures of Bond Fans to validate candidacy, of which only around 33 were thought to exist. Mr Balls was one of three candidates to receive the signatures (there were actually 106 fans, but 7 were too busy watching DVDs to vote). After a screen test it was decided that the other two actors (David Miliband and Ed Miliband) were far too suave (clean), sophisticated (wore ties) and well mannered (wimpy) for the part, which Craig had developed into something of a tough-guy (thug). Balls was deemed to fill this role well. Balls commented 'I've never been so popular, especially as this means I can't be Labour leader.' David Laws is to play the villain Redhand and Diane Abbot the bond girl Totty Nomore.
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Ed Balls lands new role
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