Readers of The Daily Mail and Mein Kampf claimed victory today after it emerged that Political Correctness has finally and officially gone mad. Speculation has surrounded the mental state of the ethical notion following reports of increasingly inconsistent behaviour and recent high profile incidents in which Political Correctness deemed it ‘inappropriate’ to refer to a banker as ‘an irresponsible yuppie arse’ and most controversially, to call a politician a ‘liar’.
In a brief and confusing statement, Political Correctness stated that ‘before judging bankers and politicians, we must first understand the difficult background they have had to battle through in order to wield great power with such an inspiring sense of abandon; only through the trials and tribulations of a protected upbringing, an Etonian sense of elitism and years of sniffing cocaine can a person seek to be successful in the world of financial speculation, politics or both if you are in the House of Lords. And when calling a politician “a liar”, we forget that it is the people who they are lying to; thus, it our fault for believing them, for if no-one believed them then no-one would lie.’
The erratic behaviour has alienated some of Political Correctness' fervent supporters, including Germaine Greer and Peter Tatchell both of whom conceded that it ‘has gone too far. It needs to be reined in before it becomes illegal to call a Catholic a “paedophile.” The final straw came as a close friend of Political Correctness, The Human Rights Act, called the local Social Services in for an emergency assessment, after which Political Correctness was taken to hospital and detained ‘for its own safety and that of the public’.
The news has brought muted celebration in the right-wing media: 'We've been saying this for years,' said a spokesperson for The Daily Mail, 'Maybe at first it had good intentions at heart but now it just seems like it spends all its time just making the lives of ordinary hard working white folk difficult. I mean, when I was a lad, we could call a black dog a nigger! But now, apparently it's racist! To whom? The dog? It's just this sort of madness that has ruined the country! Bloody Loony.'