Sir Ranulph Fiennes - ‘Ran’ to his friends - has pulled out of his latest yawn-inducing adventure due to the fact that the public really couldn’t give a flying fuck whether he reaches the South Pole or whether he falls into a crevasse and dies. The explorer has survived many dangers - from suffering a nasty paper cut to having his head bitten off by a bear - but it was public apathy that finally made him decide to fuck off home and put his feet up for a while.
When told that he had sawn his own gangrenous fingers off with a hacksaw blade, following a nasty case of frostbite, the entire population of Great Britain rolled their eyes. Describing themselves as “utterly indifference” to Sir Ranulph’s exploits, they said they didn’t care whether he crawled up Everest on his hands and knees or attempted something more suited to a man of advancing years, like trying to get up out of a low chair...
