In a shock announcement, following Britain’s downgrade to Junk Bond Status by the ratings agency Moody, the Chancer of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has said that the UK will enter the Euro, probably between Tuesday and Thursday this week.
Osborne, 42, believes that the Pound Sterling will drop from its current value of E1.16 to E1.00 in the next few days “When the Pound is worth exactly one Euro, we will immediately join the European Monetary System. From that second onwards, all pound coins will be regarded as one Euro coins, all £5 notes as E5 notes, all £10 notes as E10 notes and so on. This will save us millions of pounds converting all our computers and everything and is an opportunity we cannot afford to miss.”
Traditionalists on the far right of the party have raised concerns, saying that we will lose the image of the monarch, which has been on British currency for hundreds of years. “Nonsense, responded Osborne, the Queen and Angela Merkel look pretty much the same in a dim light. In any event we’re only swapping one ugly old German for another and the beauty of this is, when the country goes completely down the drain the Germans will have to bail us out as they have had to with Greece, Spain, Italy, Portugal and Ireland. That will teach them for invading Austria and bombing Coventry.”
The Ed Millie Band were unavailable for comment.