The recent oil spill crisis has been solved today, when BP officials revealed they had used an innovative new method of blocking the oil spill, using the ego of pop singer Robbie Williams.
Robbie Williams is a world famous pop star, and was a member of Take That before going on a succesful solo carreer. He made the risky decision to donate his ego to BP so they could use it to block the oil spill that had caused world wide enviromental panic for the past few weeks. "Sure, it was risky, but hey, who cares? As a dashing, brave and kind person, it's like my duty to single handedly keep the balance of our planet intact," said Mr Williams, "The Doctor's said there could be numerous health risks, but, it helps the planet and I look damn good, so there's no losers."
BP official, Bill McGuire, issued a statement to the media this morning. "We are very pleased that this oil crisis has been resolved, and it's all thanks to Robbie. Our boffins realised that we need an object with a huge surface area and size to block the spill, and it turns out that his ego was just the perfect fit. His ego is so big, in fact, that it has managed to somehow draw the oil backtowards the spill, as his self centredness has an amazing gravitational pull. I think we would be in trouble for quite some time if Robbie hadn't intervened."
This sacrifice appears to be taking it's toll on Robbie Williams. His doctor's have revealed that since his ego is missing, he is slowly but surely turning more selfless. "Despite this very kind act, Robbie is slowly deteriating from his former self," said Dr P.J Fitzgerard, Robbie William's personal doctor, "He is becoming kind, caring, thinking about others, even complimenting others. This morning, he didn't make a single comment about how good he was looking or his singing talent. We are very worried that he may turn totally selfless within a matter of months." Plans are in the pipeline to perform an 'ego-transplant.' Rumours are arry that Bono is considering giving his ego up for transplant.
Plans to use Robbie Williams' ego have been suggested before: during the Icelandic volcanoes eruption, the Icelandic government considered using his ego to block the magma until a suitable replacement was found. "Plans to use his ego on the volcano had to be scrapped," said a spokesperson for the Icelandic government, "but it was unfortunately not big enough to cover the volcano. In the end, we had to use Simon Cowell's instead."