A man from Basingstoke has admitted spending hundreds of thousands of pounds on a team of writers to help him fill out the 'about you' sections across his social media profiles. John Dawkins decided to employ the professional wordsmiths after he locked himself in a cupboard without food for four days trying to think of an appropriate description, only to come up with 'married, 2 kids'.
'At first I hired a biographer to tell my story but struggled to whittle down the 23 chapters into 140 characters' he told the bankruptcy hearing. 'Then I tried a philosopher and a spin doctor before finally hiring a comedian. Now I am described as being like a 'thinking frog that takes positive leaps forward, but isn't slimy unlike the other people on here, and ironically doesn't speak French, LOL'. Unfortunately there wasn't enough space to add 'with a repossessed house, divorced, and now only sees kids at weekends'.'
In making him bankrupt the Judge summed up by saying Mr Dawkins was 'an irresponsible human being who sacrificed everything just to sound like the kind of guy people would love to follow', a description he now uses on Twitter.