News is breaking that the Health Secretary has been arrested after an undercover operation by Staffordshire Police working with the Met and Interpol. It has been alleged that recent stories regarding horsemeat in the foodchain and falling asteroids have been 'engineered' with one object in mind - a truly audacious cover up.
HosGate was not as first assumed by an unwitting public, a simple conspiracy to introduce knackered race-horses and New Forest ponies to 'value meals' (dubbed Hossgate). It a was complex smokescreen to cover up thousands of deaths at one, or more, of our nations hospitals (thus Hospital-Gate).
The Coalition is accused of involving sympathetic scientists from NASA in the cover-up. It is rumoured that the world's experts in rocket re-entry and holocaust denial have given their services, recklessly endangering a small town in Russia in the process. War criminals from the former Yugoslavia have also been called upon to benchmark the level of cruelty in the facilities run by Staffordshire NHS. It has not be proved that some of these 'torture inspectors' were marsquerading as consultants from the EU on epic agency fees.
Jeremy Hunt, thought to be the ringleader 'hiding in plain sight' making feeble noises regarding bringing health officials to account, was arrested yesterday. A police spokesman said, "We first noticed something was wrong when we didn't see his lips moving. He also had his fingers crossed behind his back, though that is not unusual in a politician". "Another odd factor was that neither Jamie Oliver nor that Fearnley Wittgenstall have said boo to a goose about horsemeat. We knew then that something wasn't kosher".
"The last tiny detail that gave it away was that thousands of people died in circumstances we haven't seen except in concentration camps, yet we haven't been asked to arrest anyone. It is always the little loose-ends that undo a criminal mastermind."