Major overhaul of screening process by embarrassed Vatican.
Pope admits he lied on CV, was never a Catholic
(8 posts) (5 voices)
Yeah, and well-used bear latrine found just outside wood.
Didn't do it for Me as a one line joke. maybe it would work if it was expanded
You'd have thought they'd have given him the Spanish Inquisition
The Vatican is in a frenzy of damage limitation this morning as the real reason for “Pope” Benedict's resignation becomes clear: the impostor who has been ensconced in the Holy See for the past eight years has never even been a member of the Catholic Church. As far as investigations can discover, his only brush with religion was a stint in a Hare Krishna commune in the early Seventies.
A major overhaul is now under way on the vetting and clearance of candidates for the most coveted religious position in the world. “It's not easy going over the credentials of every candidate”, says Vatican insider Cardinal Aldo Rossi, who was involved in choosing the pontiff in 2005. “You have to understand that papal hopefuls are all quite old, and those who could vouch for the claims made on their CVs are usually dead. So we're often left accepting their credentials in good faith, so to speak.”
A major international recruitment agency has now been hired by the College of Cardinals to make sure the next pontiff is the real thing and that this debacle is the last of its kind in the Vatican. “The recruitment process really was very lax and inefficient – piles of applicants' ordination and consecration certificates with no facility for checking or cross-referencing”, says Henry Gage of Craystaff Recruitment, which will be overseeing the next selection process. “If this impostor had got to be head of a big corporation like Microsoft or the BBC, he could have done some serious damage.”
Meanwhile, other escapades in the conman's past are beginning to emerge. It is understood that Joseph Ratzinger, as he then was (and, as we now know, still is), was given a caution by a Stuttgart magistrate back in 1982 for obtaining a position as a Volkswagen mechanic under false pretences using a stolen diploma. “He was doing fine until one day I told him to change the head gasket in a Passat and he starts ripping out the dashboard to find it, so his cover was blown,” recalls garage owner Karl Müller. “But he really was very convincing until that happened. I'm not surprised he fooled the Vatican.”
How's this then? Maybe I'm too late expanding it into a full article, but the whole Pope story still seems fresh enough.
Well I'm going to award some stars for the idea but think it needs tightening up. It also needs a better ending and perhaps a snappier headline.
How about the implications for all those who use the expression,"Is the Pope a Catholic?"? Come to think of it, you could tie it up nicely with those who now have cause to question their use of the expression "Is a pig's arse pork?"
Thanks, maybe I could weed out some, but I'm a novice at this. Or perhaps I could run a dead horse meme through it like tightening sinew...
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