In a surprise move, the popular High Street retailer has announced that it intends to become an independent sovereign state, and will now be known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Poundland instead.
Nigel Waite, formerly Poundland’s Director of Operations, and now Supreme and Eternal Leader of the Revolutionary Council commented:
‘Cornering the market in cheap packets of Jay Cloths and multipacks of crisps you thought they’d stopped making in the Eighties was only the first part of our business plan. Now this has been achieved, we want to focus on building the brand further, by moving into independent statehood and eventually, world domination ‘
‘No one has anything to fear. All we are proposing is greater control of our economy, our own currency, and an all-out nuclear assault on those bastards from the 99p store.’
‘It also gives us the opportunity to expand our product range into new and exciting areas. By 2015 we intend to introduce our new range of advanced military hardware and weapons grade plutonium all at our usual great value prices.’
Asked whether a new currency would mean removing the ‘pound’ from the name ‘Poundland’, Mr Waite commented, ‘Oh crap. I hadn’t thought of that.’
Chancellor George Osbourne, however, was quick to condemn the move. ‘I have always believed that Poundland’s future remains firmly in the UK. After all, where will our many benefit scroungers go to buy their synthetic Cola style drink to feed their hundreds of largely useless offspring if they aren’t.’