Israel has once again taken a tough stance on Gazza and has defied calls for co-operation by world leaders and the UN.
A spokesman for the government of Israel told reporters, ‘Gazza is a clear threat to the stability of this region. In recent times Gazza’s profile has come to the fore. We understand that this is largely due to the vacancies that exist for barely comprehensible ex-footballers to offer their limited commentating skills to countries that are covering the football World Cup. We can confirm that representatives from Gazza have attempted negotiations with Israel regarding such football punditry. However, it was clear from the start that this was a thinly disguised attempt to undermine the credibility of Israel’s position in world football.’
A team of international negotiators has launched a small flotilla of sailing vessels in an attempt to allow a dedicated team of football agents access to the Israeli Sports Ministry. It is understood that the flotilla aims to take advantage of cloud-induced low visibility, and aims to amplify this with the continuous broadcast of Gazza’s UK hit ‘Fog on the Tyne’. This plan has met with strong objections from the Israeli government, who claim that Gazza’s number 2 hit record in collaboration with Lindisfarne is actually a call for terrorists to destroy the state of Israel; citing the lyrics ‘it’s all mine, all mine’ as a call to arms based on an unjustified property claim to the region.
World leaders, however, have expressed their ‘utmost concern’ at the stance of the Israeli government. William Hague, the British foreign secretary, has called on Israel to immediately cease plans to send in the military to prevent attempted negotiations with Gazza, ‘Israel must accept its international obligations and realise that the world has changed. They failed to qualify for the competition and are now rejecting reasonable attempts to negotiate a peaceful settlement with Gazza. They must accept that Gazza does not pose a threat to their country. Sending in special forces to deal with peaceful negotiations will not help, and Israel would do well to remember that Gazza still has a special place in the British people's hearts, despite the beatings he inflicted on his ex wife.'