South African Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius has been selected for the South African Olympic shooting team after managing to hit a target at a distance of ten metres from a seated position in bad light. The talented marksman is to hang up his running blades and train in a number of shooting disciplines including the Mens’ 10m Nocturnal Handgun and the Mixed Gender 50m Rifle event.
Police said a 26-year-old man is now in custody after mistaking his girlfriend for a shapely venomous snake with a curiously unsnake-like ability to walk upright on its hind ‘legs’. Police believe there is no other motive behind the shooting, though Pistorius had publicly criticised his partner’s choice of footwear in the past, claiming her flat-soled shoes gave her an unfair advantage when the two went on shopping trips together.
Witnesses claim they heard a shout followed by a gunshot then witnessed the silhouette of a man raising a gun to his mouth before blowing coolly down the barrel. Detective Sergeant Rudi Van Der Kirchhof of the Pretoria Police Department said ‘Judging from the size and location of the exit wound, this shot would have placed Mr Pistorius in the silver medal position on 250 points, just behind the Russian athlete.
Meanwhile, fellow marksmen and women from Team SA have described Pistorius’ shooting skills as ‘inspirational’. ‘To hit a moving target like that takes years of practice, the question is whether he can reproduce such accuracy in the big arena,’ said Wim Blenders. ‘In spite of his disability, Oscar has shown us in a few tragic seconds that there is nothing wrong with his eyesight.’
However, the trigger-happy athlete must now undergo a medical after South African medics suspected him of exhibiting signs of Marvin Gaye’s Dad syndrome. ‘I’m naturally upset to have taken a life in this way, but I’m really looking forward to ventilating some serious bullseye in Sao Paulo in 2016.
‘Let’s get it on !’