Scientists have made the startling discovery that 99% of the DNA found in human beings is actually chimpanzee DNA! Apparently they have known this for some time but only now, with the revelations about horsemeat being included in beef-burgers and lasagne, have the facts come to light.
Professor Richard Dawkins, veteran God-basher and Oxfrod professor of microbiology claims there is no need to be alarmed and that it is all to do with the theory of evolution, which says that humans have evolved from monkeys by the process of natural selection of those animals more able to adapt to life on earth, who therefore pass on a greater amount of their DNA into the gene pool, leading after many generations to people like you and me.
However Mavis Blackstock of Hythe in Kent, disagrees. “It’s all happening again” she said “first it was the horses and now its the monkeys. I knew something was up when they stopped appearing in the tele ads.”
Gareth Bale was unavailable for comment.