England footballer John Terry is to write a series of fantasy books, publisher TallTales has announced.
The Chelsea defender and captain will pen three books, called 'John's Magic Rubber Johnnies', aimed at adults with a mental age of five and below.
The stories will follow the adventures of a grown-up thug, John, his football-loving friends' wives, and pet rottweiler Adolf.
Terry said the stories were "loosely based on girlfriends, WAGs and sundry MILF".
The 32-year-old will publish his first book, 'John Versus Cunts of The FA', in June, followed by 'John and A Bridge Too Far' later this year, with 'John in the Land of Noggin The Nig-Nog' in 2013.
"I first had the idea of John and his Magic Rubber Johnniess when telling tales both to my own team mates and in courts of law." he said in a statement.
"Shagging and telling stories are two essentials for me at home, so I decided to make up my own football stories and adventures about me and my team mates… wives."
The publisher said the books were "full of colourful characters - arseholes with obscene amounts of money worshipped like gods by the media and the establishment alike".
He is not the first footballer to write fiction. QPR coach Harry Redknapp has written a series of children's books on tax affairs and former England manager Terry Venables wrote a series of really criminal novels.