Children’s favourite Peppa Pig has become the latest casualty of the food scandal after DNA tests forced her to reveal that she is ‘up to 50% horsemeat’.
A tearful Peppa made the admission at a hastily-arranged news conference this morning, which was broadcast in the five-minute slot usually reserved for the transmission of her colourful antics. ‘I just don’t know who I am any more,’ she oinked. ‘I’m not even sure whether the horsemeat crept into our family heritage shortly before my birth in 2004, or earlier in the supply chain, possibly when Granny Pig was still a young black-and-white TV starlet.’ Neither Mummy nor Daddy Pig were available for comment, although Granddad Pig promised to launch a full investigation ‘as soon as he got home’.
The news was greeted with dismay and outrage among the nation’s toddlers and their parents. ‘It’s a scandal,’ said a mother of two under-6s from Wigan. ‘We watch Channel 5 every morning in good faith, expecting a nice healthy diet of inoffensive family viewing. We don’t want people of questionable paternity influencing our kids to go off the rails and jump in muddy puddles without wearing their boots - well, not until Jeremy Kyle comes on at 10am.’
A Channel 5 spokeswoman defended the station’s decision to carry out random DNA testing of all its celebrities in the aftermath of the horsemeat scandal. ‘We did not want to be accused of peddling questionable, unhealthy mush to the nation’s children,’ she said. ‘We leave that to Findus, Tesco and CITV.’ Rumours are now focusing on Peppa’s little brother George, who is said to bear more than a passing resemblance to local road-digger Mr Bull.