Smokers who use electronic cigarettes are missing out on the real enjoyment of smoking - 'the glamour of the death wish', according to tobacco companies.
'There is no tobacco tar in e-cigarettes,' said a tobacco industry spokesman, 'so the excitement and romance of dicing with death you get with our product is absent. The whole 'smoking kills' ethos is missing. You've got absolutely no chance of getting lung cancer. You may as well smoke a banana.'
Joe Simpson (58), who has been smoking a hundred cigarettes a day for fifty years, says he's sticking with 'proper ciggies'.
'I've tried them e-fags,' he said, 'but you don't get the same experience - no coughing, no ash all over the place, no smell of smoke in your hair and underpants. And I'd miss blowing smoke rings all over my grandchildren.'