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What's your manifesto?

(16 posts) (12 voices)

Started 3 months ago by Perks
Latest reply from Titus

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Perks

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With our Ed in the running to be a candidate in the Eastleigh By-election, I was wondering what would be the main points from your manifesto to get the public to vote for you. Unlike the real thing, try to keep them light and not to political! I'll start.

I have always said that to keep the cost of the NHS, pensions, benefits down and free up the roads from painfully slow drivers, If I got elected I would introduce mandatory euthanasia when people reach the age of 70. It would sort out the economy in one hit

Posted 3 months ago #
J Vine

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I'd have all elections decided by phone ins.

Posted 3 months ago #
sponge finger

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Perks - the Logans Run idea might thin out the House of Lords too

Posted 3 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Anyone who drives but is afraid to, should be sentenced to death my being reversed over again and again. By me.

People who can't stay in lane on a roundabout, or who drive down the white line on a narrowish road should suffer a similar fate, and the little bastards who have taken to parking up at the dark corner of my drive, getting stoned and then emptying all the litter out of their car onto the drive before driving away OVER THE FUCKING GRASS deserve whatever twisted, evil punishment comes to my mind after having to pick up their crap and then deal with not one, but two dogs with cut paws.

Posted 3 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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Sorry, you said 'lighthearted', my bad.

Posted 3 months ago #
FlashArry

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Criminalise orange segments and electrical cord

Posted 3 months ago #
Squudge

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and being hard to look at and listen to when hectoring the camera to get your point across (applys mainly to politicians obvs).

If you are going to be on my telly, your voice can't drive me to physical violence, nor your vile rubbery/shiny/scrofulous face (delete as applicable) make me heave while having my one decent meal of the day. Unless what you have to say is utterly brilliant. Which is unlikely.

Posted 3 months ago #
FlashArry

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Squudge - all political pieces to camera must be made from within a Frank Sidebottom full head cast ?

Posted 3 months ago #
nickb

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Less suet

Posted 3 months ago #
Perks

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Nick, that sounds like a tagline for a no win no fee company

Posted 3 months ago #
Squudge

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'Arry - spot on. In fact from behind a curtain works for me, perhaps with an actor's voice.

Come to think of it the actors' voices used over the Huhne phone transcript this week was particularly poignant. I thought they were seriously taking the piss with the Vicky Pryce impression, until we got to hear the real deal.

I think O'Farrell might get in just campaigning along the lines of:
"I am not Farrage"
perhaps with "and I don't like oranges much"

Posted 3 months ago #
riesler

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Ban coat-hangers... the BASTARDS!

Posted 3 months ago #
Tess Goes

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I'd save a few quid by closing The UK Border Agency and concentrate on the ethnic vote.
Then I'd encourage them to breed by handing out loads of money that we'd just printed, and build a bloody big boat for pensioners to have a nice little cruise around Iceland after they'd sold their houses for a fortnights bed and breakfast.

Posted 3 months ago #
sigmund

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To raise revenue the traditional way, by plundering the French and Spanish. Oh, wait, the Germans are already doing that...

Posted 3 months ago #
Ironduke

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reallocation of living space to where its most desirable. Dig up Scotland and truck it down to keep building an extension out on Cornwall.

Ensure no Scots get caught up in the spoil, otherwise they'll be down here like Japanese Knotweed spores.

Posted 3 months ago #
Titus

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Ban wasps.

(Do I win extra points for being neither topical nor funny?)

Posted 3 months ago #

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