At a press conference held earlier today, Food Minister David Heath announced the results of the Food Standards Agency's extensive programme of DNA testing popular figures in the world of children's entertainment.
'The random testing of 162 pantomime horses revealed worrying quantities of human DNA', he announced. 'In many instances, the DNA appears to have come from at least two different sources'.
The testing follows work completed by the Agency late last year on Dick Whittington's cat and Puss in boots, neither of which were found to contain any Cat DNA at all.