Wayne Rooney was tested today for traces of horse DNA after galloping across the Wembley turf for the full 90 minutes on Wednesday.
Following England's surprise victory, nagging doubts about superhuman fitness levels of old warhorses such as Frank Lampard and Ashley Cole prompted the Brazil FA to lodge a back-dated official complaint to FIFA.
“In the light of today's news, we've a right to know which England players ate pre-match burgers.” demanded Brazil manager Fabio Capello. “We're highly suspicious after seeing Wayne Rooney race out of the stalls like a Derby-winning stallion - then keep going as if he was in the Grand National.”
“English Football, with it's outdated 'Derby & Joan' approach, cannot afford to remain blinkered about doping and drug abuse,” Capello added. “It's time your nags at the FA cleaned out their own backyard and took a closer look inside the stables.”