Pressure on the Conservative are increasing after it was admitted that the Tory manifesto dates back to a document written by William the Conqueror in 1035. The scandal started when political commentators compared the scroll - reading 'Make the rich richer, peasants poorer, keep the foreigners out' - to the Tories' top tax rate cuts, welfare reforms and planned EU referendums. When questioned by a journalist at a banquet, a David Cameron aide was heard to mutter "that's all we've got", and a full admission followed later in a press release.
Labour leader Ed Miliband today responded to the discovery in a statement, referring to the Tories as "brutal kings in their castles, widening the rich-poor divide and ignoring the need for collaboration". Chancellor George Osborne rebutted the claims though, saying: "This comparison couldn't be further from the truth. I, for one, haven't had a functioning moat since the plebs at the council forced me to install a water meter in 2010. I have also been donating £2 a month to Oxfam for well over a month."