From April 2016 every female in England will have to microchip their male counterpart or face prosecution say local authorities.
The move is aimed at cutting the number of stray men found wandering aimlessly around shopping centres on a Saturday afternoon or hopelessly trying to find their way home from the pub following an England match.
A pizza sized microchip encrypted with the man’s name and address will be inserted into each buttock, bypassing the need for rescue services or the police to engage the strayling in unintelligible conversation about its personal details.
The microchip will be able to trace the man’s place of abode, decipher his name and locate his front door key and credit cards without all the pointless hanging around waiting for the man to remember.
The aim is to reunite the stray male with its owner as quickly as possible before it becomes an even bigger burden to society than it already is or before it is handed over to animal charities to be put down.
Figures reveal that over 200,000 men a week are reported either lost, inebriated or simply dumped by their partners and the hope is the scheme will help get the hapless wayfarers off the streets and back on their sofas in time for Match of the Day.
But some critics say the scheme is flawed and that some wives and partners do not keep the information about their males up to date – especially if they have moved house or decided to go for something less tiresome.
Loopholes that have allowed males to escape prosecution after attacking other males for spilling their pint or jumping the queue while waiting for a kebab will be tightened up or closed although males who bite burglars or tresspassers on their land will no longer be muzzled.
A spokesman for the CWU welcomed the initiative saying their campaign to raise awareness about responsible man-ownership was finally bearing fruit and that the ruling should help protect not only postal workers but man-owners and members of the public alike.
Men are thought to attack over 100,00 postal workers every year and the number would be even higher if postmen ever started trying to deliver your mail on time.
Dawn Porter from the mens charity Blokefinder said the scheme will make a ‘huge difference’ in re-uniting thousands of dumb animals with their loved ones every week.
‘We recommended the strays should be neutered before being returned home and although we received plenty of support from wives and girlfriends the government said it was one step too far.
But they will be making it part of their manifesto for 2015 election.
Gets my vote straight away.
All men must be neutered by 2016 say local authorities
(2 posts) (2 voices)
From April 2016 every female in England will have to microchip their male counterpart or face prosecution say local authorities.Posted 2 years ago #
First six paras are all that's necessary. The rest was overkill.Posted 2 years ago #
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