Coming under pressure for having advocated the use of mercury-containing amalgam dental fillings for two centuries, the British Dental Association (BDA)recently took the unprecedented step of admitting that it was time for a change. At a central London conference in January, Dr Hyde-Whyte, Professor Emeritus of Dentistry at Fillham University, declared mercury amalgam passee and welcomed the new alternative amalgam based on a mixture of lead, white phosphorous and uranium ore. The new amalgam, the formula of which was deciphered from ancient Tibetan manuscripts, is critically cheaper than the mercury based product, is quicker to fill and patients will no longer need X Rays to check on teeth health. At the conference Dr Hyde-Whyte produced an ex-WWI Geiger Counter and demonstrated that the device when placed close to the teeth filled with the new amalgam crackled very impressively indeed. He then went on to describe how Dentists will receive training in how to interpret the cracking sounds whilst ducking behind a 3 foot thick lead shield. Dr Hyde-Whyte proudly asserted that the new materal should last the dental industry well into the 24th Century since the old amalgam had lasted from 1830. Asked whether the new material was safe, he reassured journalists that the new amalgam was likely to be just as safe as the current mercury-based material and that there was absolutely no evidence whatsoever of it ever having caused harm to any (2000BC Tibetan) patient.
BDA in switch from mercury to lead/uranium ore amalgam
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