Life-long members are resigning as the Turry Party rips itself apart, leaving the field wide open for other political groups. This was the overwhelming conclusion at an open meeting today.
‘Here they go again,’ said Fred Moribund, leader of the Manual Party. ‘Instead of acting to reduce bovine flatulence, all they can do is bang on about Mars.’
Enoch Clogg, the Lubberite leader, went even further. ‘We Lubbers have always been pro-Mars. Faced with an increasingly competitive galaxy, it is obviously in our interests to unite with our orbital neighbours, carrying the torch of multiculturalism for all life forms everywhere.’
Mr. Moribund was relaxed when asked about the imminent invasion. ‘We prefer to call it Controlled Colonization,’ he said. ‘In order to avoid prosecution by the Solar Union Commission, we must make these migrants welcome and we must obey the new boundaries. I can reassure the public that being confined to the Gobi desert and Siberia will not hold the human race back. Our projections show immense potential for growth.’
There was an interruption from the floor. ‘Why aren’t we mobilising our troops and firing some missiles to warn these little green blighters off?’
Mr. Clogg chuckled as he took the microphone. ‘There are still some racist, xenophobic Little-Earthers who talk like that, as though the Ganymede Treaty had never been signed. The Turry party is hopelessly divided, but we are clear. What we want for our children is a peaceful future and ever closer planetary union.’
Winding up the meeting, Mr. Moribund struck a sober note. ‘Don’t forget that our very survival is at stake. The number one priority is, and must remain, to tackle climate change.’
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Mars Could Split The Turry Party
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ChesTorrants
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