Investigators in Southwark have held a press conference today announcing the discovery of Chris Huhne's moral conscience. The remains of morality were buried 10 years ago when the Member of Parliament convinced his wife to take points on her driving license for a speeding offence.
'The pieces of his moral conscience were discovered in a sorry state during the start of his trial' The lead archeologist told reporters during a 45 minute presentation. 'We believe that it had suffered some superficial damage at the time of the offence, however the more Mr Huhne spoke about the matter the more lethal the injuries became. Analysis shows that the fatal blow was delivered as recently as last week and was probably administered by a text message from his son.' Work will now begin on looking for his dignity which is thought to have been lost at about the same time.
The painstaking job of trying to reassemble the remains into something resembling a moral conscience will begin as soon as sentencing has happened. With the sentence for perverting the course of justice typically between six months and a year, it is thought Mr Huhne may outsource the reconstruction to his cell mates, providing they promise not to tell anyone.
If Mr Huhne's morality is restored to something near it's original state, he has declared he will no longer have the qualities of a Lib Dem in government and has therefore stood down. This has led to a by-election in his constituency in which more morals will be buried under canvassing leaflets. Nigel Farrage has indicated he may stand but promised he would leave his values in Europe.
Nick Clegg has spoken to say he is deeply 'shocked and saddened' by Mr Huhne's guilty plea in court. 'When we came into power, it was a part of the coalition agreement that we would forget about our lost morality' he told us. 'By admitting his guilty he has shown this discovery has made him unfit for government'.
Prime Minister David Cameron was equally critical of Mr Huhne's honesty and those who have spent time trying to find a politicians moral conscience. 'They have been pestering me to have a dig in the Rose Garden at Number 10' The PM told us. 'But they won't find anything. I may have removed Nick Cleggs slightly bent back bone, but I had aides bury it safely under a car park in Leicester'