Britain is recovering from one of the worst outbreaks of mild weather since WWII. The wholly expected clemency is said to have drifted in on the back of a mild front from the mid-Atlantic. It has meant that Britons, who were warned well in advance of its advance, were completely unprepared for the expected non-extremes in climate. Meteorologists claim that the extremely average temperatures could be down to a number of factors including it being normal for this time of year. ‘Recent records have taught us that at this time of year we should actually be experiencing temperatures ever so slightly lower or even ever so slightly higher than the current wave of mild we’re battling with. No-one could have predicted this...except us...which we did.’
Widespread reports of acts of personal bravery have been coming in from all corners of the country, where people have battled conditions to help neighbours and strangers alike. When a man, who wanted only to be known as Garry Manship, 9 Grace Gardens, Snuff Mills, Cardiff, noticed an elderly shopper was overheating in a light jacket, he stepped in and assisted in pulling her zip down. “You just do these things without thinking about your own safety, don’t you...that’s two R’s in Garry, by the way.’
Eyes are now firmly focused on the days to come, with a new mild front making its way easterly, and expected to hit our shores later this week. A Lib Dem spokesperson said, “To be honest, this weather suits us down to the ground, not too hot and not too cold. Meanwhile our Tory friends are thinking up some new and exciting ways to force us to get the heating turned up to keep their friends in the energy companies happy, I mean donating...happily.” Experts aren’t warning us to brace ourselves and are asking the public not to panic buy. “Nobody in the press has mentioned panic buying for nearly a month, so we thought we’d not mention it either,” one expert mumbled.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Britain Gripped by The Big Mild
(3 posts) (3 voices)
-
Posted 3 months ago #
-
You forgot to mention that this terrible "Big Mild" is consistent with the predictions of the Met Office Climate Models.
Otherwise stars.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Friends of Green Earthpiece claimed that this confirmed their most dire predictions of climate change. "Normally at this time of year it is either much colder or much hotter than normal. This startling mildness is an overwhelming change and is quite different from anything we've experienced previously. It sends a clear warning to all of us. If we fail to take urgent action NOW we are condemning our children to a world irreperably ravaged by mild weather."
Posted 3 months ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.
