A sword used by militants to behead hostages was found to have traces of pork DNA on the blade said an Al Qaeda spokesperson spokesman yesterday.
Under Islamic law, Muslims are strictly forbidden to chop the heads off anybody who had eaten pork for dinner or who may have grabbed a quick bacon ‘sarnie on the way to work.
Al Qaeda said it was ‘completely unacceptable’ for foreign nationals to eat pork prior to being held hostage and have called for a worldwide ban on the eating of any foodstuff that may contain traces of the succulent even-toed ungulate. Especially amongst any foreign aide worker thinking of heading to a country where there is a tangible risk of being held captive by a gang of medieval nutjobs with a grudge.
Chopping the heads off hostages has until now been carried out by a man wielding a huge ceremonial axe or sword but some Muslims are now saying it is time for the process to be mechanised, allowing the executioner to spend more time with his God and less time putting decapitated heads in a bucket.
‘Finding pork DNA on your sword after beheading a group of volunteer workers from the Red Cross would prove distressing for even the most sympathetic of insurgents’ said the Al Qaeda spokeslayer ‘At least when we slaughter hostages we do it according to strict Muslim law.
But Daniel Tranter from the Ministry of Justice said although they fully understood Al Qaeda’s concerns over the pork DNA, there was very little they could do about the situation and during these times of government cutbacks the responsibility lies with the jihadists and not the hostages
‘I'm afraid due to all these coalition cutbacks our hands are tied and many of our staff are facing the axe’ said Mr.Tranter ‘something Al Qaeda are far more efficient at than we are'.
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Traces of pork DNA found on ceremonial sword
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Gerontius
offlineMemberPosted 4 months ago #
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