EU leaders assembled in Brussels today in an attempt to break the deadlock over what constitutes ‘tasteful’ popular music. The crisis talks follow Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest in which nation states demonstrated ‘woeful misunderstanding’ of previous directives on so-called Euro-Pop and unwittingly voted for a song without a kitsch dance routine and with no obviously discernable upward key-change as the contest’s winner.
‘It’s deeply concerning that contestants should be denied points despite following the letter of the law on Eurovision’, said a spokesman for the contest. He referred by implication to Iceland and Georgia, who despite offering relentlessly up-beat songs employing obvious harmonic progressions and synchronized dance routines, still failed to score highly.
Veteran Eurovision commentator Andre von Strunckel railed against what he called ‘clueless’ voting patterns on the night of the contest. ‘For nations to take it upon themselves to reward fringe, quasi-indie acoustic musical styles at Eurovision is a gross dereliction of duty’, he said. His sentiments were immediately echoed – though a semitone higher – by a group of Georgian backing vocalists.
After Germany initiated an emergency appeal to Eurovision’s general council this week, Iceland and Greece have agreed to plug the country’s Euro-Pop black hole with ‘appropriately naff, nostalgic and camp’ songwriters and choreographers in time for next year’s contest in Berlin.