Cumbria County Council's decision not to allow the construction of a storage bunker for radioactive waste in the county has led to a Government decision to build the nuclear waste facility at an alternative site in Buckinghamshire.
A Department for Transport spokesman stated, "We realised that a linear nuclear waste depot could be constructed underneath the HS2 railway line, thus sharing civil engineering costs and making both projects more attractive propositions in these times of austerity."
Buckinghamshire MP Cheryl Gillan, leading light of the anti-HS2 campaign in Parliament, welcomed the move. "A few of my constituents may not always have been wholly in favour of the route of HS2 in the past, but this puts a completely different complexion on the matter.
Mr Giles Archer, a livestock farmer from an area of not particularly outstanding natural beauty just north of Aston Clinton, elaborated. "The route of HS2 would have bisected my land, making my business completely unviable. However, the nuclear waste facility will make my farm even more completely unviable, but the level of compensation will be much greater, so that's all right then. Furthermore I'll be able to sell my sheep to Chernobyl at a premium.
Independent research conducted by the Institute of Radiology at Electricité de France has shown that there will be no threat to human health by this innovative and pioneering development, since the radiation would be harnessed in a new nuclear power station to be built on the site of the old bin-liner dump at Calvert, enhancing further the outstanding natural beauty of the area. The electricity generated will power the trains on HS2 as well the numerous other railway lines to be opened in the county, meaning that they will be run as no cost to the taxpayer.
Mr David Cameron, a well-known prime minister from the area, said, "This is an example of just the thing I've always dreamed of for the Big Society. It will indeed be big, bringing vast economies of scale to the international business community as well as benefiting the whole nation by bringing employment to the part of the country where it's most needed.
Transport Minister Simon Burns, in a press-statement sent from his chauffer-driven limousine, stated, "In response to Cumbria's decision, the Government has decided to extend the Liverpool section of the HS2 railway line to Sellafield."