In a statement from the Department for Transport released today engineers are working on plans to link France via the Channel Tunnel to the Isle of Wight. A left hand turn off the main tunnel is planned which will take trains and traffic directly into the monkey enclosure of the Island's famous zoo at Sandown. This will help to boost tourism whilst at the same time help to keep French visitors off mainland Britain.
Secretary of State for Transport, Patrick McCloughlin said, "The idea was originally thought of way back in 1975 but we couldn't afford the extra cement. Now with the relaxing of planning laws and the Government's prediliction for pissing off British tax payers we've decided to give the project the green light."
And it's good news for the Island's job seekers too. Shanklin residents will benefit from an increase in job opportunities with the creation of special refugee centre to cater for the expected influx of asylum seekers looking for a better life on England's largest island.
Local businessman, Lawrence Quigley, owner of a gift emporium in Newport said, "There's concern that the government are also planning to link the end of the tunnel with a high speed train between Sandown and East Cowes which will plough straight through the middle of Newport and smash into Osborne House in 2.5 seconds flat. But luckily this won't happen in our life times."
Following extensive research with UK travellers the Government decided to create a 'No Right Turn' for trains and traffic departing from the UK.
A spokesman for Visit Britain said, "Despite suggestions for an underground steam model railway to run alongside Eurostar between Dover and the Isle of Wight it has been a bit of a tough sell for your average British holiday-maker. These days there is really no enthusiasm for travelling to the island except for the interest shown by the occasional sex-tourist."