After hearing that Dutch Monarch, Queen Beatrix, was abdicating in favour of her ‘talented son’, Queen Elizabeth II revealed that she is also considering such a plan, and has asked advisors whether the ability to talk to plants and tie one’s shoelaces unaided counts as ‘talented’. On being advised ‘not really’, the Queen has instead decided to adopt a son.
‘While I am basically fed up with being Queen, I need to make sure my heir is up the task’ said the Queen. ‘They will need to do the basics well, such as projecting a common touch while opening a shopping mall, yet be comfortable around royalty. They also need to be aware of security, and know the layout of Buckingham Palace like the back of their hand. So it was a real no-brainer – I am adopting Michael Fagan.’