It's been a real busy month for me, I've just been in Algeria in a business trip and can't wait to just kick back amongst my 7 wives and just crack open a cold one. But no, because for the past 28 days I vowed to give up alcohol in aid of Cancer Research UK.
At first I thought it would be a great idea: being a fanatical Muslim, and with their being a huge scarcity of watering holes in the Sahara, I've never touched a drop of alcohol in my life - so surely giving up drinking would be a piece of cake! Thinking such a holy cause would make me a martyr, I went to the hideout to tell my brothers in arms about my cause, hoping to get a couple of new recruits... But sadly it was the usual thing of them telling me I was being too preachy. None of them signed up, but on the other hand, I did have agreement that I would behead any that did drink anyway.
The first few days were easy, it was just like before. I had a lot to prepare for as I'm sure you know, and I thought to myself, "this be a piece of falafel". However, as the work stresses built up - personnel problems are always difficult, particularly as they stop working four times a day. And then there's the fag breaks - I found myself really missing the bottle.
It's funny how the minute I give up something I've never had I really start to miss it. It doesn't help that I basically look like an alcoholic, with a beard and sun beaten face. I became grumpy and snappy, I haven't been able to shoot my AK47 well because I've got the sheikhs. Everyone in the desert has started calling me the 'mardi jihadi'.
So now I've never been looking forward to February so badly. I think I need some time off, take a break from the French special forces constantly giving me grief. Work can be a real killer sometimes - just look at what happened to one of my colleagues Osama. Maybe I'll go on a North African booze cruise: beers in Algiers, a cravas in Rabat, Campari in Mali, that'd be the life....