"When we found out that the horse head's we were buying were actually 32% cow, we were shocked" - Mafia Boss Giovani Almera explained - "So when we found out that Tesco had 2.8 million horse burgers going spare, well, the opportunity seemed well worth the investment"
Traditionally, the Italian Mafia has placed horse heads in the beds of those who they consider to be on their 'kill list'. However, in an effort to modernize things, they have been forced to step it up a notch.
"We called a meeting and discussed possible shocking things to find in your bed. Unattended luggage, A British Gas bill and Boris Johnson all turned up in the list, but when we saw the fuss that the English were making about finding 30% horse in a meat burger, we decided that would be best."
Tesco released a statement saying they hoped the deal could provide a "profitable outcome" for both companies, as it would save money on the supermarket giant disposing of the now hazardous meat stock. "That responsibility is now that of the Italian Mafia".
People who fail to pay their Mafia debts will now wake up to a stack of one thousand unwrapped half-horse burgers, courtesy of Tesco Supermarkets. "It's a brilliant plan" announced a jubilant Mafia Rookie. "With a horses head, people can just put that in their black bin and forget about it. After all, people are rarely are so hungry they will actually eat a horse. But with the burgers, you can't just throw them out. Not only will they not fit in the bin, but people will be wondering why you're throwing that many patties away. Including the council. Heck, You'll probably get a fine for it. So you have to eat them, making you fat and vulnerable, ready for us to come round and break your other leg."
But when questioned if the move was also because of austerity measures, the Boss seemed not only hesitant to answer, but his accent became thicker and less understandable. The situation was not helped when Mario Balotelli walked into the interview room. The two were eventually prized apart and the boss gave one final statement.
"All I will say is this: Breaking people's legs is not as threatening as it used to be. And they don't pertain much value. Thanks to the Greek economy, you barely get 10 Euros per leg. Thanks to Tesco, we can recoup a 2 million euro debt with just a thousand burgers, and they cost a total of two pounds fifty."
The Greek Chancellor has taken note of the Mafia's technique.