A recent study into the increasing levels of health and safety regulation, as well as the higher number of idiots going to A&E with their hand caught in a toaster, has found the problem is directly linked to the lack of soft, fresh dog poo on Britain's pavements. The increase in reported accidents has risen consistently since fines were introduced for dog walkers and their mobile play-dough machines, with some people even tripping over their own dog.
The man who carried out the study, Mark Stool, professor in 'British Idiology' at Oxford University explained 'up until the late 80's, people habitually watched where they were going for fear of treading dog turd into a cream carpet, or if you were lucky spending 20 minutes scraping your shoes on the nearest kerb and grass verge. Our study finds that taking away the need for people to look out for rogue pieces of faeces has left them hypnotically wondering around and a danger to themselves and others.'
Asked if the reintroduction of dog shit to the nation's pavement was the answer, the Professor explained that we had now gone to far and a reverse on policy would make no difference. We trialed leaving poo on the streets in Norwich, but found that when it turned white, the type of person we are trying to protect just pointed at it shouting 'Moon'.