A new study of men has shown that their navigation has been completely thrown out of kilter due to the unprecedented amount of pubs closing doors. The study found that males are have completely disorientated when they are no longer able to use "ale houses" as points of references.
John, from Newbury, has struggled for years to give directions, "normally if you wanted to know where the nearest bookies was, I'd tell you to turn right at the Red Lion, keep going until you get to the roundabout with The Bell on the right, turning left and going on past the White Hart, and it's just past the Forester on the corner. These days all I can say is, well... it's over that way"
However, not everyone is upset by the news of declining public houses. John's wife, Emily, "it's a real relief. Sometimes on a Saturday I'd ask him to go down the road to pick up some milk and he'd be gone for hours, staggering home hours later with a kebab and chanting 'vindaloo'. I didn't even think the pub would be open at that time of the morning!"
Locals, including John, have formed a group to try and combat their demise, meeting in the Hope and Anchor (or the Grope and Spank Her as they call it) hoping to try and revive the pub industry. "This place is a real classy one, you know, they do Scotch eggs behind the bar with runny centres. Anyway, will I be seeing you in the car park later or are you just getting to know people?"