So you want to be a life coach? Putting aside the motivation for this dubious aspiration, here are a few tips to help you succeed in Britain's top growth industry:
The most important qualification to being a life coach is to be a failure in just about everything. That is why teachers make such good life coaches and failed teachers become life coach gurus.
It is also vital to have an exaggerated sense of self importance to the extent that you constantly feel you have something unique to contribute. This level of self delusion needs to be bolstered by an over weening certainty that you can never be wrong.
There is value in attending lots of useless courses trying to satisfy that nagging sense that you have wasted your life. If you feel this, fear not, because now you can be reinvigorated by assailing other with pointless platitudes.
Do not be afraid to develop your own style and cultivate your niche. If your approach catches on, you could become a leading speaker at life coach conferences full of people seeking answers to intractable questions.
Don't be afraid to express your opinion, which after all is so much more valuable than others, but be careful not to offer offer simple solutions. Your students won't thank you if you provide something simple, practical and achievable. Instead, aim for a vague set of assertions that you can build around. It helps to have a 'story concept' such as the notion of 'We're all on a journey'. There are endless combinations to this concept as most people identify with being on a journey.
Make sure you DO NOT UNDERCHARGE or your students will feel cheated. Think of a reasonable daily rate and then add a zero to it so your fees are reassuringly expensive.
Make free with dubious knowledge from all over the world and mangle different philosophies and thought systems to ideally produce your own brand new insight which you can charge exorbitant rates for. Do use jargon and invent acronyms freely to further 'aid' your students.
Add spurious letters or phrases before or after your name to give you added credence. How much better if you are known as a 'Master Practitioner' rather than plain old Alan or Ann.
Spend lots of time talking about making connections. Student will love this and it is so easy to illustrate. For example, do make a point of pointing out obvious things such as the fact that we are body, spirit, emotions and therefore we need to open up the connections between each part of us to make us even more fulfilled.
Reference movies, celebrities and TV shows to emphasise your points. Most movies have life affirming messages that you can easily incorporate into your practice. For example you could include quotes such as 'What we do in life echoes in eternity' (Gladiator), 'With great power, comes great responsibility' (Spiderman), 'This is Sparta!' (300), 'I am Javert, do not forget me' (Les Miserables) or '“I am looking for someone to share in an adventure...' (The Hobbit). Movies, books and TV shows should provide you with at least 90% of your course content. Your students will leave your course feeling enlightened but ultimately unfulfilled so that they want to return for more of your compelling insights. And you won't have to do any original research.
Make a point of showing how successful you are as a Life Coach by buying expensive clothing, cars, houses and other paraphernalia. Otherwise your students will take more convincing about your golden nuggets.
Try to get established on the international circuit. At first this will meaning attending events in far off places like Ukraine and Turkenistan. But, in time you can look forward to being a keynote speaker in places like Las Vegas and Hawaii.
Once you have made progress as a Life Coach, you will never look back, your life will be full of useless gadgets and you will feel momentarily fulfilled. As you progress, you can seek out new pastures and specialise in areas such as business coaching, personal coaching, sports psychology coaching and retail coaching. Eventually, you could even start your own quasi religious foundation to ensure your teachings continue to bless future generations.
