From the Britain-on-the-Wold parish newsletter:
Parish council leader David Cameron has announced that the residents of the village of Britain-on-the-Wold will be given a chance to enter a raffle in 2017, with a possible first prize of a coach holiday in the Cotswolds, rather than the regular camping holidays in Belgium that have been a fixture for nearly 40 years.
'This is wonderful news' said Mr Cameron during a tour of the new village hall toilets, ‘for too long we've had to buy tickets for the Lower Europe raffle, knowing full well that all the proceeds would go towards the family of Johnny Foreigners who brought the B&B in the Lower Europe High Street. Now we'll get our chance to win our own raffle. These are lovely toilets by the way, although I'd give it a minute before going in if I were you'.
Mr Cameron also confirmed that the 2015 village Carnival Queen contest will be fought on the promise of the raffle, alongside traditional prizes for the winner. ‘I want to win that competition. There’ll be no more compromising. If that Councillor Clegg wants to be a carnival princess again he’ll have to jolly well fight me for it. The new Carnival Queen will be able to start negotiating with the mayor of Lower Europe immediately. And open the new Pick Your Own field at the back of the allotments. So there really will be everything to play for’.
Full terms and conditions for the raffle will be on display on the parish notice board from September onwards.