Following the lead set by the armed services, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has announced that the NHS will welcome an additional 20,000 voluntary reserves to replace those trained professionals being made redundant in NHS cuts.
'The army has showed that you need not spend years running round fields and firing guns in ranges to be good enough to be a soldier, so why would you need to spend seven years at medical school to prove you can be a good surgeon or medical doctor?' said Hunt.
'We know there are lots of people working in similar fields such as butchery, undertaking and knife-wielding members of street gangs who are gifted in surgical techniques and could do a perfectly good job in removing an appendix, replacing a heart or transplanting a hand, and by encouraging such activities in ordinary members of the public we will build a great public spirit and also save a few quid.'
'Even medical doctors can be replaced by those with even greater experience in drug-enabled recovery' we hope that Lance or Ronny will be amongst the first to volunteer for these vital roles.
Hunt added that the government is considering extending the scheme to nursing 'Provided that Ann Summers stocks enough uniforms in its shops to meet the likely demand.'
Ed Milliband stated that he 'Was opposed to the drastic and dangerous proposals' suggesting that it would make more sense to run a trial scheme where stone masons and mechanics trained to remove rusty spark plugs could supplement the dental profession.'