Incompetent bosses at ailing HMV today angrily blamed their troubles on Tim Berners-Lee for inventing the internet: “Mr Berners-Lee invented the internet and Jonathan Ive invented the iPod – these two evil British inventors have conspired to destroy our business, we hope they are happy now.”
Meanwhile, greedy bungling local councils deny ghost town centres across the UK are the result of excessive pedestrianisation and exorbitant fees for car parks miles away from overpriced high-rent shopping areas. “Consumers these days are just plain crafty lazy tight bastards” said a town planner, who is obviously not very good at planning “they just like to sit at home twiddling and clicking their mice, buying stuff online and saving money on bargains without a thought about the damage they are doing to my career.” Shouting “Fucking internet!” at the top of his voice, he then threw himself off the top of an empty multi-storey car park he had commissioned a few years ago and landed in an empty litter bin.
Luckily, his suicide was filmed by a passing gang of drunken drugged-up giggling unemployed chavs on their stolen iPhones who then relieved him of his wallet and took turns to urinate on him. The video has become a global YouTube sensation, netting the poster ‘workz4luzerz’ at least £500,000 in advertising monetization.