The Met Office today warned that an outbreak of smugness will cover the country for two more weeks.
"We expect a higher number of 4x4s at peak hours -with the drivers willing to offer the children of schoolfriends a lift to school -whereas normally they'd be happy for those kids to get there in their parents hatchback. We should warn everyone that these drivers may go on needless trips -just to talk about it afterwards."
The Smugness front, which has already started in the Southwest and Wales, will move further east through the week. It is such an deep weather front that it has spread beyond cars, the Met Office also warned: "These conditions are often accompanied by people getting out their ski wear, hiking boots and ski poles, then traipsing around towing a sledge looking particularly smug. We can assure the British People that were are still in Britain, and that pretending you are up a mountain is needless. For this reason, the government has announced a "red level" smugness alert. In these conditions you are free to push over anyone who says 'I'm going out -I may be some time'. You are also allowed to let down the tyres of 4x4s, to see how long they continue to be smug waiting for the AA to turn up".