A private investigator today announced that he'd finally managed to identify and locate the man who apparently knows everything there is to know about anything, and insists on telling readers of the Mail Online's comments section about it ad nauseum - frequently tossing controversial opinions into the mix, just for the hell of it.
"His name is Darren Hopgood," the PI announced. "He's twenty years old, he lives in Reading, he's unemployed, and he hasn't got a girlfriend."
The Private Investigator's services were sought by a group of like minded Mail Online readers who had become sick and tired of an endless stream of know-all comments posted by Hopgood, under the screen name of God2019. Specifically, a stream of conspiracy theory related comments, and a staunch refusal to believe just about anything and everything.
God2019 caused quite a stir when he confidently announced that the Mars Rover pictures were photoshopped, that Felix Baumgartner's space leap was all done with CGI, that 9/11 was a deliberate act of sabotage executed by Mr T and the A Team, and that "as any fool with half a brain knows" Princess Diana and Dodi are alive and well and living in a Tuscany villa under combined Mafia and government protection.
"He started to get on my tits from day one, to be honest," said Sam Greenhaulgh, one of the Mail Online readers who was instrumental in launching the initiative. "He wouldn't believe anything, and that started to grate a little with some of our community. We'd had enough of him, and we decided to get him out. The bloke isn't anything like your typical Mail commentator. I mean, recently he stated that Elton John can't possibly be a gay man because he once sang that 'Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting.' We just couldn't tolerate such twisted logic any longer. He simply had to be named and shamed. He's worse than the most deviant paedophile. And he hasn't got a girlfriend. Says it all really, doesn't it."
Unconfirmed reports state that a TV News crew doorstepped Darren Hopgood in order to challenge his controversial statements and seek a reaction to his exposure. At this point, no film of the encounter has been released, but word on the street has it that Hopgood is less spotty than expected, although he does have a lazy eye, and that he refused to acknowledge the news crew, telling them that they were "holograms" and "not real."
As he was taking his imaginary pet velociraptor out for a walk on a piece of string.