Researchers at the Westminster Institute of Psychology have published the results of a study into the causes of politicians' inability to process language in the same way as normal people.
The study involving participants from all parties, genders and ages has confirmed that politicians are suffering from a condition called 'semantic block' and are engaging in an interesting mental phenomenon called 'double-speak.
The lead scientist on the study, professor of psychology Bob Freud explains further:
'We have devised a highly complex translation algorithm, which compares politicians' statements with their actions. Our algorithm has revealed politicians' statements as either delusional or declarations of loathing of the electorate.
To give you an example, Nick Clegg's apology for reneging on his promise not to raise tuition fees is clearly disingenuous. In his case, the simple words, 'I am sorry' were deciphered by the algorithm as:
'Fuck you! Fuck you up the arse and sideways, and your mum, too. All my previous policy statements and promises were just something I made up to get elected! I hate you all!'
Similarly David Cameron's assertions that 'we are all in this together' have been correctly translated as:
'Poor people are scum! Exterminate! Exterminate!'
Professor Freud added: It is not quite clear if the causes of the disorder are congenital or acquired but further research is urgently needed.