Snowflakes are up in arms about having to cope with landing in Britain, reports the Morning Frost, which describes scenes of utter chaos in clouds up and down (but mostly above) the country.
"We come floating down in good faith but we have no idea where we're going to end up. Those of us aiming for the major runways seem to have come down in people's back gardens, or on the roof of a shed, where we are able to cause very little disruption. One of my friends spent 30 minutes in an uncontrolled descent only to be eaten by a cat. It's enough to make you melt," dripped one.
Many Scottish snowflakes hoping to meet their friends on the ski slopes have instead accidentally drifted down in Hinchley Wood near London, which has proved to be a bitter disappointment for all. Likewise, thousands of large, sticky, motorway flakes never made it onto the M6 and had to settle on minor country lanes where the local 4x4s made light work of them. "It was a massacre," reports one. "Almost as unlucky as the poor bastards who landed on Chelsea."
This year's mayhem could be down to global warming, but one spokesflake had a different theory. "This is simply the wrong kind of country".