Residents of Yew Tree Lane in the leafy suburbs of Wolverhampton have made a formal complaint to the Metropolitan Police following adverse publicity surrounding their investigations into child sexual abuse under the banner of Operation Yewtree.
“Since Operation Yewtree started last October we have seen house prices fall by over 20%,” said Roy Mason, of the Yew Tree Lane resident’s association. “It has given the red light to every pervert in the country to descend upon our neighbourhood in the hope of finding a like-minded offender. You name it we’ve had it. Pimps, paedophiles and Z-list celebrities have all been queuing up after a bit of action.”
One elderly female resident who does not wish to be named said, “I was weeding my front garden with my back to the traffic when a car slowed down and the driver wound his window down. He shouted ‘nice arse grandma, fancy a snort and a threesome?’ I dropped my trowel and fell headfirst into my trug in shock. Now I daren’t go outside unless armed with a full size garden fork.”
A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said, “I can confirm that we have received a number of complaints. There have been suggestions that we called it Operation Yewtree because of some sort of pagan link with wild and unfettered sexual activity, but that is not the case…er, excuse me for 5 minutes...
...that’s better. It actually stemmed from one of our Irish Police Commissioners who said to me and two colleagues ‘Yew Tree are working on this one.' Consideration was given to the investigation being called Operation Cherrytree but the idea was thrown out for some reason."
Since October police in Wolverhampton have made a number of arrests in the Yew Tree Lane area and have confiscated more than 10 computers from the homes of a number of elderly residents with tenuous links to the entertainment industry.
Retired roof top TV aerial fitter, Stan Davies said, “They did a dawn raid on me last week and took away a copy of the old test card with that little girl on it. In my opinion the police are acting like bunch of comedians. I’d like to see them all get fingered for the hell they’ve put me and my partner through. She's missed three of her 'A' levels while this has been going on”