The prospect of UHT milk dispensed through USB ports on new laptop computers inched nearer to reality as tech giants Samsung unveiled their prototype “iMoo” computer, which can download milk in small quantities from the internet.
“This really solves a problem that’s been waiting to happen since computers started,” said Dennis Smyth at the CES technology show in Atlantic City. “How often have you been working at home or in the office, wanted some coffee or tea, only to find the vending machine or the fridge has just run out of milk. With the iMoo, those days will be over and a serving of milk will just be a click away”
Much of the “Dairy Download System” is still under hygienic wraps, but it’s understood milk will be dispensed from central servers online over 4G or hi-speed internet connections. Laptops will be able to store up to 8GB of UHT milk, rising to 16GB if the milk is low fat. Users will simply plug a small converter into the USB port, hit the cow icon, and within seconds the laptop will secrete the necessary milk, or store it on the hard drive for up to three days.
“You’ll never be able to make a full size blancmange or a macaroni cheese with the amounts of milk available from the iMoo”, confessed Smyth. “8GB of milk is just about enough for four standard cups of coffee, and to start with at least, the system will limit downloads. This is because as yet the number of cows we can accommodate in our dairy servers in a secret location two miles North West of Limmington, New Hampshire is limited.
Smyth also revealed that the technology could be used to feed new born babies. “Delete cows, insert nursing mothers who may want to supplement their income with a peer to peer breast milk service. This could kick start a 21st century version of the old wet nurse industry, and help low income families. At the server end we hook up the mothers and distribute online. Imagine wanting to feed a hungry five week old on a busy train – this solves all the problems. A carefully calibrated programme – to include warming the milk to exactly the right temperature - would mean babies happily suckling on a laptop via a USB nipple attachment, while mom got on with a spreadsheet or some report writing." Smyth admitted this technology was "in its infancy" and at the moment USB UHT is the USP.
Meanwhile food giants FoodGiants inc would neither confirm nor deny they’re using similar technology to manufacture and distribute processed circles of synthesised sandwich style lunch products. These could be dispensed through a computer’s CD slot, and would fill a role in online catering by filling a roll with a circular slice of luncheon meat style material, with optional UHB mayo. But tech watcher Denise Smithers said “This is almost certainly the next step – for mechanically produced meat providers to join hands with internet marketing and send people spam they can actually eat.”