Sandi Toksvig, Director General of the BBC since the surprise resignation of Jeremy Paxman, has announced that the current series of Monkey Tennis will be the last.
“It’s a sad day for the BBC”, she said, “when one of its most innovative programmes comes to an end. It’s a sad day for Monkey Tennis too, which is due to be a demonstration sport at next years Olympic Games in North Korea. And our thoughts are with the simian participants, many of whom have known no other life but tennis. Thankfully they have all been rehoused - some with caring families, others in local zoos, while a couple of marmosets, having expressed an interest in science, will be joining a team - in a hands-on capacity - investigating the safety of new shampoos and cosmetics.
“The viewing public never really understood the rules of monkey tennis, even though they replicated the rules formulated by the International Tennis Federation. Apart from the participation of monkeys. Obviously. With Monkey Tennis we tried to restore a little credibility to the BBC schedules, following the garroting of Simon Cowell, live on air, which arguably defined the low point of the corporation’s recent output. But it seems the public have neither the intelligence nor the attention span to enjoy the finer points of Monkey Tennis, nor to appreciate its long and colourful history... which is why Season 8 will be the last.
“The Friday night schedules will now by driven by The Carrs: half an hour of Alan Carr and Jimmy Carr playing with their thumbs”...