Concerned that a possible badger cull in August 2013 may affect visitor numbers to Cornwall, the county’s tourist chiefs are planning to use the cull to create a Badger Bonanza of attractions.
A spokesman said today; “Some may view the slaughter of thousands of badgers across the county at the height of the tourist season as a problem but we see it as an opportunity”.
“We have seriously looked at proposals to vaccinate badgers instead of killing them all but frankly there are no Tourist Industry marketing jobs in that”.
“We are in conversation with Olympic organisers to hire tiered seating units which can be placed at shooting sites and we could even sell season tickets for dedicated fans of shooting defenceless animals. Events like this would provide a useful boost to our already vibrant night time economy and for the police officers who would be deployed to ensure civilised behaviour it would be a welcome change from collecting vomit-covered and drunken teenagers from the streets of Newquay.”
“The tradition of ‘blooding’ young supporters viewing their first kill could be borrowed from our friends in the fox-hunting fraternity and badger blood may well become a new and eco-friendly form of body art, replacing tattoos (so tasteless) and face painting”.
“Nor will the gourmet be forgotten; badger burgers ("Big Brocks") are just one of the exciting food ideas we are looking at and hugely enjoying experimenting with. Though our food technologists did have initial problems with fur removal the use of industrial blow torches is now proving effective and gives an authentic smoky barbecue flavour to the finished product. We are also negotiating with Iceland Foods for the supply of frozen “Badger Bit Bags” to their stores and our marketing slogan “Good Food In Black and White” really sums up the spirit of this enterprise”. One local chef was unsure however; “There will be so many badgers and there are so few recipes”.
There are also plans to introduce “Plant a Badger” – a game which is already popular with farmers in many parts of rural England. The rules are simple; kill a badger and then plant it at the side of the road so it looks like a victim of a passing car. Points are awarded for artful display (loose body parts can be hacked off and then sold on ebay) and for the excited looks on the faces of passing children. Extra points are, of course, awarded for planting your badgers on main tourist routes through the county and for the length of time it takes the police to find your badger and then not investigate this breach of the Wildlife Act.
In a separate move the council today announced the immediate closure of its Ethical Marketing Department.