The FA is to launch an immediate enquiry following the FA cup tie between non-league Mansfield and premiership Liverpool in which multimillion pound Uruguayan international Luis Suárez scored the controversial winning goal with his hand.
FA spokesman Lord Sir Cedric Ignorecheats said “We need to get to the bottom of this, how can a old geezer of a man with no obvious redeeming features have such a gorgeous young wife 30 years his junior. We are all extremely Jealous”. When asked if a rematch was on the cards he replied “It’s a definite possibility, with the Mansfield players distracted by the nagging question of how their wurzel gummage like chairman John Radford managed to pull his sexy wife Caroline, how can they be expected to concentrate on the game”.
When asked about the handball he replied “It’s a very popular sport on mainland Europe, especially Scandinavia, but won’t catch on over here”