British seaside comedian Mr Punch has delivered a rare sea-front address denouncing Syrian President Bashar al-Assad as a mere “puppet of the Middle East".
Speaking from the promenade in Bournemouth to an enthralled audience of under-tens he rejected the Syrian president as a faded puppet fabricated by a long succession of dictators, and very naughty puppet regimes who lacked the finesse of any descendant of the commedia dell’arte.”
“I’m certainly not the most diplomatic of puppets. I have to hold my hands up to dropping crying babies, killing the odd foreigner or blind man and feeding people to crocodiles but this Syrian puppet, Bashar the Basher, has already got 60,000 murders under his belt. So even though I’ve been going since the 16th century I’ve still got loads of catching up to do.”
Mr Punch’s speech was interspersed with applause and sing-alongs and, after turning his wife over to the Hangman to the delight of his young audience, he was mobbed on the stage.
One excited nine year old said “I know Mr Punch would like to engage in a conference or international dialogue with Bashar the Basher with a view to establishing a no strings national charter, referendum and a new government but someone has just stolen his sausages. So until he finds the culprit he’s postponing all engagements. In the meantime that stick of his is going to crack a few heads.”
UK Foreign Secretary, Joe 90 said, “Bashar is intent on putting his people through the sausage machine and using the crocodile and the police to suppress them. If they need the Doctor he wallops them with all his might. This simply has to stop. We maintain our position that he has to step aside and allow for a political transition before it ends with the traditional fight with the Devil. Now, that’s simply not the way to do it!”