CofE Gives Full Support for Gay Bishops As Long As They Don’t Go Around Being Homosexual
The Church of England has given its full backing to the appointment of gay bishops, provided they promise to drop the whole ‘gay’ thing.
In a ringing blow for equal rights, a church council said gay clergy could be ordained as bishops providing they promised to be celibate, thereby removing the whole ‘homosexual’ issue opposed by conservatives.
“It’s an ingenious solution to the whole problem,” said the Rev. Kenneth Williams, a 50 year-old man who enjoys dressing up in frocks with lace trimmings while maintaining he is happily married, “We’re perfectly pleased for our homosexual brethren to be appointed as church leaders, as long as they don’t do any of that icky shirt-lifting business that gets the evangelicals all hot and bothered.”
The Very Rev. Dr. Jeffrey John, who was forced to resign as bishop of Reading in 2006 over his sexuality, said “It’s such a shame this wasn’t sorted out sooner. If only I’d known I could have gained advancement by tacitly acknowledging the inherent evil of my sexual orientation, and denying myself and my life-partner sexual contact forever more, I would have jumped at the opportunity years ago.”
There are reports that the liberal wing of the Church is now considering a similar move for women vicars, whereby they too could be appointed bishops as long as they promise to never have sex again.