“Churchmen are totally obsessed with sex and sexuality”, admits the Rt Rev Simon Hathersage, Bishop of Leamington Spa. “Since our own sex lives tend to be dreary and dessicated - there’s a reason why they call it the missionary position - it’s only natural that we’re fascinated by the things that other people get up to in bed. The weirder the better. I mean, fisting... what’s that all about? Bisexual... sounds like having your cake and eating it. Transexual? Nope, don’t get it. But having sex with men in public toilets, without being formally introduced: well, that’s a thrillingly rebellious notion for men of the cloth.
"Anal sex... doesn’t it hurt? Straining the greens? Is that one of those baffling sexual euphemisms? The lesbians in porn films? You know, I’m not convinced they’re really lesbians at all. Bestiality? When love dies, who gets custody of the barn? There are so many questions, so few answers and I’ve got a sermon to write for Sunday. I’m going to have to consult the ‘good book’. And if I can’t find my copy of The Joy of Sex, I’ll have to blow the dust off my Bible"...
