Following complaints from passengers over selfish commuters hogging table space, train companies are to introduce a ban on commuting with a range of office related items. From next April commuters will be unable to stake their claims on tables and chairs with lap-tops, spider plants, or pictures of their gap-toothed offspring.
One angry commuter Phil Reardon said, “It used to be just lap-tops, but it’s now getting beyond a joke. I stood for over an hour yesterday while some pin-striped prick with an iPad took up four whole seats and a complete table. Everyone stayed calm until he pulled up a projection screen and started to deliver a PowerPoint presentation, then things started turning ugly.”
In the melee that followed two female passengers ripped down the offending commuter’s annual planner before sticking his cactus in a dark place, to the delight of fellow travellers.
A National Rail spokesman said, “We recognise that customers like to catch up with their work while travelling into the office but space at peak times is limited and tempers can flare up. The use of mobile phones is one thing but video conferencing maybe a step too far.”
However some commuters are not happy with the latest stance. Alan Kant who commutes from Milton Keynes into the city on a daily basis said, “With a season ticket costing over £5k a year I’m entitled to spread out a bit. Pro-rata my seat costs more than the rent on my plush office in Charing Cross not including my sexy PA. The last thing I need in my 'office' are coffee-breathed Kenco reps or duffel-coated drama students.”
Meanwhile refreshments trolley operator, Gathii Ashibende has been forced to review his stock following the announcement. “I am bitterly disappointed. I’ve now got two dozen boxes of Epsom printer cartridges and a pallet of Baby Bio plant food to shift in the next three months.”